just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
