Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
