Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
