she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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