Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
