My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize