Yo dont text me then not text me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
