with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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