Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
