you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
