I wish my penis had an off switch
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm like, not good at living.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
