PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
