i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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