By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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