You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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