I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
