I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize