He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
