going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
