can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
