11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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