I think I died a long time ago.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
