Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize