did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
