i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
