I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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