Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
