Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
