dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
