At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
