I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
