why didn't you poke me back
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
