dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Vodka?
Forever.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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