I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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