I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
