Your dad touched me again.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
