He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
