It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
