I wish I could punch you in the face.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
