people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
