Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
