Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
