I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
