DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize