if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
not ubering you a puppy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
