Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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