so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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