Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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