why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
