Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
