what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
