Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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