Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
