I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
