the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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