I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
