Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
