she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
