I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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