She went from zero to smokin in five shots
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
