She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
