is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
