He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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