Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just invented taco cereal.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
