If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
