Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
